EASY WAY TO HANDLE DISAPPOINTMENT ~ UCASHERS

Even when you have a great life, you may not always get what you want. Everybody handles disappointment in his or her own way. Some pout((make a sad face and thrust out one's lower lip), a few get angry, and others go into denial. So how do you handle disappointment, and is there room for improvement?

Pouting is a common response, but feeling sorry for yourself only blocks you from achieving your goals and moving forward in life.

Okay, so it didn't work out; too bad, so sad. You need to get off your butt and do something constructive or fun, because life is a limited window of opportunity, and you really don't want to waste your time on what doesn't work. Better to seek out other opportunities or find a positive distraction.

I realize this may be hard to do at first. If it is, you need to find a way to deal with your feeling without doing damage to yourself. Once you get started, you will usually find that within an hour, your mood has shifted enough to allow you to focus on what's in front of you rather than on what you didn't get.

You can only pout (make a sad face and thrust out one's lower lip) for so long until it starts to morph into more toxic feelings like anger. But being mad at yourself or someone you care for just weakens your emotional and physical immune system. All your energy goes into dealing with your anger, and you have few resources for anything else. No one gets everything they want. Even Paris Hilton had to do a little prison time.

The point is, when you feel disappointment, getting mad or mean is only going to make the situation and your feelings worse.

Instead of going into anger mode, it helps to look at what you have in your life already and consider what you are getting. Things may not be moving fast enough for you, but maybe they are going at the right speed. If you force things or people, they rebel.

Sometimes we get mad at ourselves because we have unintentionally hurt someone we love, or perhaps we feel like an idiot because we did or said something stupid. The truth is that someone who really cares about you will not hold your foibles against you, and you need to learn to do the same for yourself. Just make a brief apology and move on. Everyone involved will be better for it, especially you.

Denial may be the most insidious way of harming yourself. To repress your feelings is the first ingredient in a recipe for disaster. Holding things in or ignoring them will only make you feel worse. Those around you will get the vibe and perhaps pull away. And that hurts.

There's an old saying that "one of God's greatest gifts is unanswered prayers." You must have experienced this in your life at least once. So the next time you don't get what you want, remember that what you wanted may not have been what you really needed.

OTHER WAYS

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Handling Disappointment

1. Let yourself feel let down. It's okay to feel letdown. Even if it's a small thing (like me not going to the museum this weekend), allow yourself to experience whatever it is that you're feeling. Big or small, disappointments are not fun. You're allowed to be unhappy about them. But don't dwell on that unhappiness. Experience it, sit with it for a bit, and then move forward to #2. Allowing the disappointment to bring you down will do nothing positive for you, so don't let it hold you back for too long.

2. Get some perspective and see the big picture. No matter how hard it might seem, you have to take a step back and get some perspective. If you're facing a small disappointment, this is fairly easy. For example, I might be bummed that the power's likely to go out, but I can be grateful for all of the wonderful things I still have that don't involve electricity (love, health, etc.). When faced with a big disappointment, perspective can be tough to come by so don't be afraid to recruit loved ones to help you see the big picture. And, for added inspiration, make a list of everything going right in your life.

3. See if there's something you can change. As the quote above says, if you're unhappy with something, the first thing you should do is try to change it. Sometimes the initial sting of a disappointment makes us feel helpless, but on closer inspection we might find that there is, in fact, something we can do to prevent or lessen the disappointment. Give some thought to what's really at the heart of your disappointed feelings and see if you can seek satisfaction, inspiration, or motivation elsewhere. If you know there is nothing at all you can do, move on to #4.

4. Revise your thinking if change isn't an option. Once you've determined that there is nothing you can do to change the situation, you're best option is to change the way you see things. It's quite tempting to wallow in self-pity and despair when things are going as you'd hoped, but no good can come from doing that. If you want to handle your disappointment in a positive way, you have to change your thinking. Consider the disappointing situation carefully and find a way to re-frame it in your mind. Make a list of why this disappointment is actually a positive thing and you'll start to see the situation from a new perspective.

5. Believe in your ability to have hope. When facing disappointments, it's so easy to be beaten down, to believe that situations are hopeless, and to give up the belief that things will eventually work out. No matter what you do, don't let your let down bring you completely down. Keep reminding yourself to have hope and know that, despite the fresh pain of a new disappointment, you always have the ability to hope for good things coming your way in the future. Believe in yourself. Believe in hope.

No matter you're facing, no matter how hard it is, don't forget that you are not alone. Every day people face disappointments of all kinds -- from a tiny missed opportunity to a life-altering letdown -- and every day people overcome these difficulties and move forward with their lives. Initially it might seem difficult, but handling disappointments well is an essential part of living a positive life. If you want to live positively in the present moment, you must let go of life's letdowns and focus on the good things in your life. Easy? Not always. Essential? Absolutely. With any luck, the five tips above will help you to stay focused on the now and make the most of your life -- no matter what disappointments come your way.

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